Analytical Essay 2

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This is the Essay question:
In “The Word Weavers/The World Makers,” Postman suggests that “definitions, questions, [and] metaphors” are “three of the most potent elements with which human language constructs a worldview.” Who gets to define the world for whom? What are the consequences of this? What is the relationship between language and power?
This is the teacher comments on what to change in order to pass. Please try to satisfy the teacher request.
There are many good things in this intro. You’re introducing two authors and setting up your big ideas. As you revise, make sure that you’re introducing three authors, and introduce each one thoroughly. Focus less on biographical information and more on the argument being put forward by each writer.
Right now, you don’t seem to have a thesis. As you revise, zero in on a thesis that synthesizes the arguments of your texts and also states your own position. Here are some questions to consider: What do you think about the role of schooling in identity-formation? Would you argue for a common language that spans cultures or would you argue for a multiplicity of languages? What’s lost and gained each way?
The body of your essay begins with Ngugi, but then switches over to Macaulay in a confusing way. I had a hard time following your writing here. You then switch over to Postman, and you stay with Postman for an entire page. How might you connect Postman to another author more quickly? Keep in mind that the goal of this assignment is to place the authors in conversation. Try quoting more than one author in each, or at least in many, of your paragraphs.
In terms of structure, the essay shouldn’t bounce from author to author. Rather, each paragraph should develop one point from your thesis.
Lastly, I had trouble understanding when you were summarizing texts and when you were asserting your own opinion. Is this your thinking or Macaulay’s?:
“Even among the Western languages, English is at the top. It is full of imaginative works on par with
Greece’s highest left for us. Anyone fluent in that language gets immediate access to the world’s immense intellectual treasure. History has other such examples, all of which convey the same lesson. Two notable examples of prejudice being disproved, information being spread, taste being cleansed, and arts and sciences being introduced to previously uneducated and barbaric nations can be found in recent times.
Today, English literature is more valuable than literature from classical antiquity.”
This essay will not pass as is since it lacks an argument and a coherent structure. I would strongly encourage you to go to the WCC for additional guidance.
Also, at times, you’re quoting the texts without quotation marks: “The
term “missile” used to have an alien, distant tone until I recently taught the Gikuyu counterpart, which changed how I perceived it.”

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